Living authentically

St Patrick's Day. I'm not sure I know how to do this yet, but I'm glad we don't have any snakes in Ireland! I'm grateful for what he did there.

In our men's group, there's a lot of emphasis on living authentically, and learning to be vulnerable. I came to see that vulnerability for me is connected to isolation. If I don't connect to myself and to others, I'm vulnerable to SSA. Knowing that, I don't understand why I can so often allow myself to become isolated. The funny thing is, while its true we are all alone sometimes, we don't have to be isolated from ourselves. Yet this is the area where I fall down the most. Its easy for me to live 'in my head' rather than in my body. When I live in my head, I become vulnerable and my body craves an outlet and recognition. In that position my 'inner critic' also seems to be released, and I become my own worst enemy.

I like Hal and Sidra Stone's work, Embracing your Inner Critic (1993). According to them, the inner critic doesn't know when to stop. It really wants us to be okay in the world, but when it outgrows it's own purpose, real trouble begins. The inner critic:

1. kills our creativity - "why try? You'll fail anyway!"
2. is the source of low self-esteem. The inner critic constantly criticises us - how can we feel good?
3. is a source of shame. It is ashamed of the 'natural' you,
4. can make us depressed. When the inner critic runs our lives, and there is no alternative source of feedback and input, its easy to see why we become sapped and discouraged.

The problem is, as we grow and develop into adulthood we develop a personality that both protects us and makes us attractive to others. This helps us to avoid hurt. This personality is made up of subpersonalities or 'primary selves'. These primary selves, according to the Stones, move us away from our initial 'psychic fingerprint' and we adapt to the world around us. In short we lose authenticity, and renounce vulnerability. The point of all of this this is, if we become aware of these selves within us, by establishing an 'Aware Ego' we change the way they operate within us. Some of the primary selves are: the rule maker, the pleaser, the pusher, and the perfectionist. When they, or our 'Operating Ego' is in charge, we are not the ones in charge of our inner lives (Ibid., 12-19).

I'm trying to think of ways of staying in touch with my body, or my affect. I'm slowly coming to understand who my inner primary selves are, and realising that actually they aren't who 'I' am. I wonder if that's not a significant part of learning to live authentically?